Gatwick

"Gatwick Airport the next station stop". I didn’t even notice that we’d passed Hayward’s Heath. Lost in the peaceful haze of The Sun, finding out about the world we live in, finding out what’s important. It’s raining again today and I’m going up to London Town to find out if there is still a role for me at The Very Fine Express Newspaper. So many people I know there have gone - so few remain - I kind of feel like a kid who’s staying on at school even though all his mates have left. Ah, the joys of not actually having a job. Can’t get paranoid about being sacked. Can’t get paranoid about not being allowed to escape through the fast track redundancy package' that was on offer. What I’ve got to be afeared of is far greater: I’m on my way to London Town to discuss my future (oh really) with the lovely Heather (who, through a string of circumstances I can’t even begin to go into here - largely because I don’t know them has found herself Emperor Of All Areas - and that’s something I can’t even begin to think about. Emperor Of All Areas? I don’t know. Anyway, so I thought I’d do some work on the train, I thought I’d listen to a few CDs. Take my CD Walkman, my laptop, a few CDs and a copy of Q to find out what I think about the CDs I’m listening to. So anyway, I made a pile of discs to take up - new albums by REM, Depeche Mode, Missy Elliott, Cowboy Junkies, plus the Gorillaz LP I can’t stop listening to - and sorted myself out. I got to about Hayward’s Heath and decided to get to work. Time is money, you know. Listen to those records. So I opened my bag and there was... Nothing. No, there was the CD Walkman, the laptop and the copy of Q but the CDs? Nothing. Where the pile of CDs should have been there was one lonely disc. And what CD was it? Anoraknophobia by Marillion. It was the new Marillion LP. Have you ever heard Marillion? I can’t begin to tell you. I’ve looked in my bag and looked in my bag andS Nothing. I’m 5 minutes into the second track now called Quartz. I can’t wait for track 8. That one’s called If My Heart Were A Ball It Would Roll Uphill. Luckily there are some spare batteries in my bag so even if my batteries run out I won’t miss any of Anoraknophobia by Marillion. What can the nymphish Heather O’Connor possibly say to me that can compare with this? We’re into the 8th minute of Quartz now and it’s a guitar solo. You think Gill did this? Guitar’s just faded and Quartz is finished. 9.05. Last week I went to New York for a couple of days which was, as they say, nice. Work - of course - an interview with Armand Van Helden. Does anyone ever listen to Marillion? I can’t begin to tell you about this record. I’m four minutes into If My Heart Were A Ball It Would Roll Uphill (OK, I cheated) andS do you think there are serious beer-drinking polytechnic students somewhere out there who - hang on, we’ve just had a clever time change and he’s talking not speaking "Have you ever seen a shadow cast against your bedroom wall?" Well, funny you should ask thatS New York was fun though. Went drinking, clubbing, shopping, went back to the hotel to drink and wash (OK. Watch the pay-for-view porn channel a bit.) Met up with Gilly’s brother and family who live there (obviously live there. "Met up with Gilly’s brother and family who live in Basildon" doesn’t make much sense) and they took me to lunch in Central Park which was beautiful. Lovely weather, blossom blooming andS blimey. Thank God for that. It’s finished. I listened to the first two tracks and the last track. It’s OK to review the album from that? Course. It’s two tracks more than most bands get. So now we’re at Hayward’s Heath, but this time we’re heading back to the sanctuary of the south coast. So what happened? Well, in brief, we slayed the dragon. Killed the beast. We won and a victory is a victory, as they used to say in Poland when things got them down. What to say? Let’s just say that my babies can eat again. Not that they ever stopped eating. Started school last week, my little girl. Bless her, we thought she’d be all shy and standing at the back and knackered and sleep all afternoon andS Some chance. The fortune cookie in Saltdean reckons she’s going to be a pop star and who would be surprised. "She’s really enjoying it" they said at the school last week. Today apparently it was more to the point. Goes in like a whirlwind. "She’s very loud at school" they said. Well, why should she? There’s loads going on in her 2 and a half year old little life and it’s very exciting. What are you going to do? Keep it a secret? Burgess Hill. Two more stations to go. Time to relay some news. If I don’t relay some newsS who cares? So. News Item Number One: We went on holiday to Spain and very fine it was too. Perfect really. Gill - bless - organised it as a surprise and I didn’t even try to find out. Didn’t know till we got to the boarding gate. We ended up between Malaga and Marbella in a little hamlet called Mijas populated only by sweet people who had strange Engerlish accents and dodgy connections. Fine by me. You always need to know where to change money when you’re abroad. The weather was, as they say, lovely. News Item Number Two: I had my willy snipped. Yep. For the second time in my life, they took a knife to me. You’d have thought after that first timeS Still, that’s it for me. Two kids and that’s your lot. Could I tell you stories but I’m not sure you really want to know exactly how black my bits went afterwards. So anyway, there I was, lying on this hospital operating slab and there’s a sheet over my torso and a sheet over my legs and a man with a knife standing next to me. There’s a nurse standing by and another nurse standing on the other side holding my hand. I’m looking at them and they’re all schlepping my very frightened bits about (such attention! Three people at one time - it’s something that all us boys think about but this wasn’t quite how I’d imagined it) Anyway, the nurse holding my hand said "Now you’re just going to feel a little prick..." Me - nervous and cold - said "Me and you both". She said nothing. Probably makes the same idiot joke a dozen times a day. Two stitches either side and maximum pain. Really, the nurse said afterwards "You know childbirth?" said the nurse. "That’s nothing compared to this. Make sure your wife makes you plenty of strong vodkas for at least three days". Bless em. News Item Number Three: We’re here now. That’s a shame. News Item Number Three was a real cracker. Never mind.